Lately things have been troubling. Not so horrible that on the surface they don't seem superficial. Work has been a bit on the frustrating side because, no matter what I do for my students, it isn't enough for the parents. I sincerely try to prepare them for all of their work before I grade it, but it is never enough. The message rings loud and clear. I am NOT doing a good enough job. For a year I have been causing needless suffering for these poor students who have to be brought up to the level of an honors student rather than being at an honors level when I get them. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around that. If it is an honors class, shouldn't they be prepared for the rigor and able to read at a certain level? But, alas, EAR WAX!
So English has clearly been an issue. The second issue with work is my improv team. The team hasn't been performing at their former level of excellence. They seem to have forgotten the fundamentals. I let my team captain run the practices, but there hasn't been any real improvement in performance. I took over a workshop and I cannot tell you the disrespect I received from members of my team. What coach would put up with back talk and ridicule? I hate having to correct insubordinate behavior. It is unpleasant and makes me feel angry and like a failure. I know that part of the fault is my own in letting the team captain have too much control over the practices. I can sit here and make excuses as to why I did, but I won't. It was a mistake, and one that will not be repeated in the future. I will take control of the team again, it will be a solid performing team without one or two strong players with egos and the rest willing to be a team.
I have realized that I have someone willing to inspire and help me. These things that trouble me, as insignificant as they may seem on the surface, if they matter to me, they matter to my Father in Heaven. I can ask for help. I often forget to ask for help with my day-to-day things. I should. Everyone should. I don't have to ask for help with things like what type of toothbrush I should buy, but that may be a decision for which someone else may need divine inspiration. It may seem like I am over simplifying this, but I am sincere. If it matters to us, it matters to Him. I have been troubled about my job for awhile, and just asking for assistance to help me know what to do and do what I need to do to make things right is enough to make my burdens easier to bare. Things are coming to mind, my attitude is changing, my mood is brighter. It is within my power to change my circumstances. All I have to do is ask for that help. I will not ask that they be changed for me. Faith without works is DEAD!
